Archive for the ‘ Personal ’ Category

Of orbits and satellites

Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?

I turned faceup on the slab of stone, gazed at the sky, and thought about all the man-made satellites spinning around the earth. The horizon was still etched in a faint glow, and stars began to blink on in the deep, wine-colored sky. I gazed among them for the light of a satellite, but it was still too bright out to spot one with the naked eye. The sprinkling of stars looked nailed to the spot, unmoving. I closed my eyes and listened carefully for the descendants of Sputnik, even now circling the earth, gravity their only tie to the planet. Lonely metal souls in the unimpeded darkness of space, they meet, pass each other, and part, never to meet again. No words passing between them. No promises to keep.

There are people who orbit the earth, keeping it at a distance. People like me. Not much by choice, but more of not knowing how to do things differently. There is a natural force that ties us to the earth, making us orbit around it. But at the same time, there is a natural force that keeps us away. Thus, we float. Oftentimes, unnoticed. 

Reading Murakami, I always feel a sense of anxiety and comfort at the same time. It’s like cutting up open an imaginary vein exposing everything. What seemed little proved to be vast. What was kept hidden needed to be acknowledged.  

But knowing that I may not be alone in this rut gives me relief, my silver lining. It comes with the hope that someday, there might be someone who can understand and peel off the layers of an invisible yet impermeable second skin. I choose to believe that this story ended in the same vein.

We’re both looking at the same moon, in the same world. We’re connected to reality by the same line. All I have to do is quietly draw it toward me.

Someone will pull me out of my orbit and will draw me closer to the earth. That someone exists. I have to believe in that.

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Adieu

I’m saying goodbye to a good friend.

Passed by greenbelt area yesterday and saw that Music One has closed shop. Not that I’m surprised that it did, but it still made me really sad nonetheless. Yes, I do still buy CD’s. I bought Jack Johnson’s To The Sea album there just about a month ago. And UDD’s Fragmented album which made me really ecstatic! I would have bought more if it would save the shop. But then again, who am I kidding?

So before this post gets too dramatic, I just want to bid a good friend adieu. For the longest time, you’ve been one of my favorite hiding place.

Leading sedentary lives

When will I ever learn that without real people, all you’ll be able to give me is static?

Filler [Feeler]

Let’s just say that I’m on a frostbite stage right now. Reason why I couldn’t write anything. So while I thaw, let me borrow other people’s words. In hopes that it would speed up the process and let me recover.

Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen) by Mary Schmich

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97… wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.   I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance.

Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

This is a regimen, like doing sit-ups

Watching Julie and Julia reminded me so much of why I started this blog.

An attempt to finding a voice.

But instead of cooking food and writing about it, ‘coz Lord knows what a terrible disaster that would be, I choose music, books, and films as conduits to tap into as much self-expression I am capable of. As this is intended to be a regimen, I am expecting that this personal exercise would extend myself in terms of being able to share my thoughts and feelings with depth and eloquence.

‘Coz as Ms. Spektor once sang, “if you never say your name out loud to anyone, they can never ever call you by it.”

So tell me, what can one do in 525,600 minutes?

Let’s play some numbers game this 2010, shall we? This year, I challenge myself to a number of tasks in lieu of the personal objectives I’ve set for the year as stated in 2010 is… page. They say everything happens when you turn 25, and 2010 is that year for me. I’m about to experience the so-called “pivotal” one – And I’m gonna make sure that it lives up to the hype!

It starts with a call to action, and this game will set the ball rolling.

Thus, by the end of 2010, I would have…

  • 600 Friends in Facebook
  • 180 Films seen
  • 180 Film reviews written
  • 8 Novels read
  • 8 Book reviews written
  • 24 Music Album reviews written
  • 12 Music Playlist uploaded at 8tracks
  • 8 Art Exhibitions attended
  • 12 Concerts/Gigs attended
  • 2 Stage Plays attended
  • 1 Major out of town vacation trip
  • 4 Minor out of town vacation trips
  • 27 Academic Units finished
  • ___ Bank Savings

A page, labeled as Tabs on 2010, will be maintained to summarize the progress for each task, while detailed documentation will just be all over the place. So much to happen and so much to do this 2010. The year holds much promise, I am just eager to bite into it.